The Early Years
Photo above: Kaiser von Pfannkuchen in an early photo
Born an orphan in a small Austrian pancake house, Kaiser von Pfannkuchen started his career as a waiter and dealt with unsatisfied customers from an early age. After suffering burns and partial blindness in his right eye by a stack of pancakes thrown at him from an irate customer, von Pfannkuchen realized that it was waffles, not pancakes, that people really liked. The idea of the Luftwaffle was born.
After a breif period of unemployment he moved to Munich, where he wrote and published a book which outlined his plan for world dominance entitled "Let Go Mein Eggo, You Jew", but unfortunately it was not taken seriously by authorities. He was jailed breifly for it's anti-government overtones, but later released after it was determined that the book made no sense.
Soon after his release from jail, Von Pfannkuchen assembled the Luftwaffle as a political party, consisting mostly of poor and uneducated thugs. They proved their loyalty early on during the famous Waffle Haus Putsch in Bavaria. To von Pfannkuchen's loyalists, poverty would become a thing of the past, and they would soon be found enjoying the pleasures of "farfegnügen" in the latest model Volkswagens.
Hans Gugelhopf, one of von Pfannkuchen's top aides and one of the few to survive the war, chillingly recalls in his memoirs life in the Luftwaffle upper echelons: "The Volkswagens were nice. I liked the Volkswagens."*
*Quote taken from Gugelhopf's memoirs:"War is hell. Waffles are warm and tastey."
(Random Waffle Haus publishing)
Preying on peoples fear of pancakes and love of waffles, von Pfannkuchen's Luftwaffle quickly rose to power. Known for their ruthless behavior, efficency, and sweet blueberry syrup, the Luftwaffle overthrew the weaker and friendlier pankcake houses and seized control of the government. Expansion into neighboring countries was only a matter of time.